Father: More than a Sperm Donor

I did not have a living father during my childhood and adolescence; even my male grandparents were already deceased when I was born.  Father’s Day was a special day for other families and had little meaning during all my growing up years because my father never returned from WW II.

It was as an adult that I finally realized that despite my natural father’s absence, I did have “flesh and blood fathers.”  Yes, I said “Fathers.”  However, my “fathers” were a bit veiled in their fathering.  All during my youth, my “fathers” were tucked away in the lives of three uncles, my grandmother, and the fathers of my boyhood friends.

They provided for me many of the things a father might provide for a son, but their “father role” was obscured, hidden from me by the role they played in their own family or by societal stereotypes.  After all, can a grandmother also be a father?   You bet!

In my professional career as an educator, I became interested in “parenting” and earned certification in counseling and eventually qualified as a “parent educator.”  In the process, I also became the father of two boys.  I learned a lot about fathering from books and I learned a lot from trial and error.

So on this Father’s Day 2014

·         I want to ask my own sons to forgive me for using them as “laboratory guinea pigs” and practicing my fathering skills on them.  Congratulations, both of you are doing an excellent job of fathering our grandchildren.

·         I want to remind fathers that it takes a lot more than being a “sperm donor” to be a father.  During my “parent educator” years I met quite a few men (some on court probation) who thought that “sperm donor” was the only thing that qualified them to be a father.  WRONG! 

·         I want to pay tribute to my Uncle C.T., Uncle John, and Uncle Jim who taught me much about manhood without even giving it a second thought.

·         I want to pay tribute to the fathers of numerous boyhood buddies who included me in their own hobbies, sports, work, and family time.  Sharing expertise, advice and skills that a father shares with a son.

·         I want to acknowledge my “Heavenly Father.”  Although God’s ways are not man’s ways and his ways are often hard to fathom; I have found him to be a constant source of strength, direction and security.

·         Last but certainly not lease, I want to pay tribute to my grandmother, Zena Johnson.  Grandmother was not the correct gender for a father, but she gave me the love, discipline, and direction that any good father would have given.  She not only rocked the cradle, she shaped the man.

 

Enjoy your Father's Day, but come Monday, let's ramble!