Granddaddy Upgrades His Cell Phone

Granddaddy Upgrades His Cell Phone

My old cell phone was still working, it would send and receive voice calls, pictures and text messages, and it would hold a charge for weeks at a time.  It was also tough as nails.  Working outside one day it fell from my pocket and dropped from a height of 12 feet onto a concrete surface.  It survived with only a small nick on the outer shell.  It was a tough little phone and its smooth plastic case fit perfectly into my pocket.  I loved my phone, but texting was a pain.  You know, you’d have to hit a key multiple times to get the right letter and adding punctuation was a three step process.  So, being a tech savvy grandpa, I thought I’d upgrade to one of those models with the slide-out keypad.  That way, when I got a text from one of the kids or grand kids I could respond with something other than one and two letter responses.

So, on our next trip to the big city, my wife and I stopped by the friendly cell phone carrier shop and I told the gal I wanted to upgrade.  I told her I didn't need a phone with the "whole enchilada,", but just voice, pictures, with a keypad for texting. With little fanfare I picked one out, but added a neat little cover that protects the screen and camera lens.  The technician swapped the necessary chips and data and off I went ready to learn how to communicate with my thumbs.

About the time I stepped out of the store, the learning curve for my new phone began as soon as I tried to slip it into my pocket.  The new protective case is designed with a buff finish so it doesn’t slide across slick surfaces.  This is really a great feature until you try to drop it into your pocket.  It is like pushing 10 pounds of something into a five pound bag.  Also, the raised lip of the protective case protects the screen and camera lens very well, but makes it harder to press down the buttons and bars that control the phone’s functions. 

Next, as we’re riding down the highway, the phone rings and I can’t press the “answer button” quickly enough to catch the call.  On top of that, it’s got this “locking keypad” function.  Within seconds after use, the keypad locks up to prevent unintended strokes on the keypad.  This requires you to touch the main menu button twice to “unlock” the keypad so you can actually do something with the phone.  Nuts! 

I'm no quitter, so after a few weeks I began to master some of the new phone’s unique personality quirks and even began to figure out how to “talk with my thumbs.”

There was still one major thing that really bugged me about this new phone.  It was the fact that it would not hold a charge more than a couple of days.  With no more calls and texting than I normally do, my old phone would hold a charge for weeks.  This new phone seemed to go dead just when you needed it.  I finally decided it must be a bum battery and stopped by the carrier’s shop to file my complaint and have the technicians check it out.

When I told the tech that my phone wouldn’t hold a charge, he said, “How long will it hold a charge?”  “Two or three days at the most,” I replied.  With enthusiasm he said, “Man, that is really good!”  “What do you mean, my old phone would hold a charge for weeks,” I said.   “Well, since 2012 these newer models are mandated by federal law to constantly communicate with cell phone towers to give your GPS location,” he said.  “Whenever your phone is turned on it “talks with” the cell phone towers and gives your location for E-911 purposes.”  My immediate response was, “You mean I pay an extra $1 per month on my cell phone bill so the government can know where I am at all times?”  “It’s the law,” he said, "You need to charge it every night." 

As I drove home that day I wondered, "How did I make it this far in life without such wonderful technology?  What in the Sam Hill has happened to our world that I need my 10-20 broadcast every few minutes?" 

It's not been that many years ago I traveled all across the United States and my family did not know where I was for days at a time.  If I could find a pay phone, I’d call home and let them know my whereabouts, but the government never knew where I was.  Now, I pay the government a small monthly fee to monitor my location 24/7 and so far all it does is run my cell phone battery down. 

I don't really mind paying the dollar each month to help support E-911 services.  E-911 is a useful tool.  I paid the dollar with my old cell phone, but that service didn't run my battery down.  Is it really necessary to monitor my location 24/7?  Well, all I can say is it will be difficult to track this granddaddy 24/7 if his phone battery is dead most of the time.

When I got home that day I sat down at my desk, opened my desk drawer and looked fondly at my old cell phone lying in the middle of  a collection of other small electronic gadgets.  I picked it up, felt its smooth, slick shell; dropped it effortlessly into my pocket and wished it was still operating. 

I’m thinking that I may go back to the phone provider and have that old phone re-activated.  I’ll forgo texting and enjoy the pleasure of a phone that is simple, comfortable, easy to use, tough as nails, and keeps my location a secret.

Now, let’s ramble!